Ever imagine how your birthday will turn out? Ever wonder about it for years, and years? Well, I have and I did. That doesn’t mean that I expected a lot, or that I wanted a lot. What did I want? I wanted to feel well enough to be happy on my birthday…that happened! I wanted to spend my birthday with my family…that happened. Although one child is at college in another state, and another child is busy with college and work. A text or a voicemail goes a very long way with me! It isn’t every day that I wake up smiling, smile all day, and go to bed with a smile on my face. But I have for the last couple of nights. Thankful!!! Let’s face it…I was the center of attention growing up, and I still am. Do not mean that in a way that is vain, but it’s the truth. Growing up I was the youngest of five, and the only girl. Duh…I had a lot of attention. Now…I’m a wife and a mother, and still receive a lot of attention. Most of which is good and positive. Not that all of the attention all of my life has been. With all of that being said…believe it or not, I do not expect the attention these days. So…when I receive birthday wishes, prayers, good juju, and genuine kind thoughts…I am always surprised. It warms my heart, makes me cry a few happy tears, and always makes me feel wonderful. All of us wish for good wishes, and great days. Shoot…most of us wish for good years. I will take any good year that I can get, but I am also happy with a good day. My G asked me how my last day to be 39 was, and I was happy I could honestly say it was very good. Yes…we celebrate the last day of whatever age we are. It’s usually a week long celebration. I can honestly say that my birthday yesterday was perfect, grand, fun, and blissful. I was over the moon when My G told me we were going to a hockey game. The Ice is and forever will be my first true love. All of my adult life I have wanted to attend a hockey game on my actual bday, and it happened!!! Still smiling about it…we had so much fun!! We danced, we cheered, we laughed, and we made it on the jumbo screen. Oh…don’t let me forget to tell you about the players we saw after the game. My daughter and I were loving life! All around, so far, it has been wonderful turning forty. Another fun thing about my birthday is that it is always within a couple of days of The Super Bowl. We like football, food, and beer in this house. So tomorrow we will continue to celebrate while we are a house divided when it comes to the game this year. We usually are divided with sports teams so watching games is usually a lot of fun. We will clean today so we can chill tomorrow. For now I am not going to think about doctor visits, tests, results, or any of the such. I am going to bask in the celebration of Candi, and just take it all in. Sometimes that’s what is needed! Thank you so so so so much, from the bottom of my heart, for all of the wishes you sent my way. Each wish is felt and appreciated. You know…it feels great knowing you are loved as much as I am. I tend to forget that, and I am definitely going to work on remembering.
As I grow into my grown up years I am realizing more and more. Yes I have remained a little spoiled brat for 39 years…no worries, I’m not changing. All my life I have very much been a worrier, and a bad one. I’m not saying that I no longer worry, but maybe that I’m handling that part of me a lot better. Learning to choose my battles has been quite the lesson. Most birthdays I have looked forward to, and even more so now. I have surpassed my brother who passed at barely the age of 37, and my father passed at 46 almost 47. So life in numbers means a great deal to each person in my family. Oh, have I mentioned that my beautiful grandmother is 103? Yes…That Is Correct…103! How lucky I will be if I grow to age as well phenomenally as she has.
Well, I know a few things about my view as 40 nears. I have said for over ten years that I will look better in my better 40’s than I ever have. I planned on being that way on the 40th Bday, but my body has had other plans. No fear I have all year! I always knew 40 would be fabulous and I still believe that. I always knew I would be excited to be this age, and I still am. I knew I would have met my Prince Charming, fall in love, and have married him by 40…I have and I did. Thank God for second chances! I knew being 40 with adult children and a teenager would be great, and it is. All of these things did happen, and I’m eternally grateful. Although my road has not been perfect, and still is not, I am learning to love my perfectly imperfect life. I have learned where to find encouragement, where to build strength from, and I have learned how to truly believe. I have learned to forgive, and I’m still learning. With that being said…I have learned who my true friends are. Thank God I finally saw the light in that department of my life!!!! I have learned that I am truly sick, and it is time to seriously listen to my body. I’m learning how to utilize my resources. I firmly believe in always going with my intuition which is usually spot on. My body, mind, heart, and soul have limits that I must stay in tune with. Easy for me to get off track.
What I hope for my fabulously fabulous year of forty….
-To be better with my follow through. Although it cannot be helped at times due to my health.
-Take advantage of every day I have energy, and every day I feel even half way decent.
-To spend more time with loved ones. Everyone leads such busy and hectic lives. It can be difficult, but not impossible.
-Manage my migraines better. Yes…that’s a huge one!
-To read more.
-To travel more. Even if it is only to Ft. Worth or East Texas.
-Try something new every day. I am pretty good about doing already, but could be better.
-Begin Krav Maga.
-Freshen up my dance moves.
-Plan our vacations now!
-Make it to a few GSW Soccer games!!!!! Road trip or flight…WOOP WOOP!!
-Ice Skate again.
-Make that permanent lifestyle change I have been gibb gabbing about for seven years.
Sounds like a lot, but it can be done. Certain that isn’t all…just all that has been on my mind a lot lately. I’ll do my best to keep y’all updated on my progress.
A little about today. My first visit to the oncologist was on the 13th, and I had to be back in a week and a half. I believe in a lot of things, and I believe my second visit to the oncologist was suppose to be today. When I was told I would need to be back on the 27th I was taken a back a bit, because today is my brother Michael’s Bday. (He’s been gone 13 years, and gone WAY WAY WAY too soon!) This day is usually spent doing something my brother loved. Anyways…I looked at the nurse and told her the 27th was just fine. I was busy today so I really didn’t have a lot of time to think about my visit. I have also been down for a couple of weeks so I’m trying to feel better. Having to see an oncologist can be a little unnerving, and I was to receive news on labs today. Main reason I was able to keep my cool is because I have a strong support system…Thank God. Worked out that I was able to talk to My Be’Be’, have My Bug with me who is such a great sport, have lunch with Our G, and My G was able to make it to the visit. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous as soon as we arrived. It was nice to have My G there, because he’s the other part of my brain. I forget so much these days. Turns out I have a friend that works at the office which was nice. We caught up and laughed a lot. Then the doctor walks in, and nerves hit hard. Few tears that I was able to hide. Everything worked out to where I was able to start iron replacement intravenously. All of that went fine. Oh, except difficult veins. Took to the third try. Not so good thing is that my white blood cell count jumped quite a bit since my first visit. My white blood cell count has been high for many many years, but not as high as it was today. I go back in a week for another treatment, and hopefully more answers. One step at a time…I understand this is a process. I definitely felt surrounded by great juju! Felt those Angels! I’m thankful that we are getting answers from a terrific doctor who has a great staff. I’m thankful I have such a supporting and loving family! And I appreciate all of you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. & Happy Birthday Michael Leff!!!! We will celebrate our birthdays together forever…I love you!!!